Merry Christmas

Written by Margaret Johnson | Wednesday, 21 December 2011

It’s that time again. I’ve already wished the Canadian banks a Merry Christmas.  I’ve also been ringing the warning bells about Christmas spending. Let me now wish everyone else the very best for this wonderful season. Merry Christmas. Thanks for listening.

Let me leave you with a special letter written by a friend who reaches out to his adult daughters.

Dear  ___________, ______________

When I was young we used to sit down and write long letters at Christmas, especially to our families. It might be to our mother or father, a sister or brother, a cousin, aunt or uncle. Many of these letters took many days to construct because to write something was much more difficult than to say it, and we would dig deep into our hearts to say what we really wanted to at Christmas.

It would feel good to finish these emotional manifestos. So good, that many of them were never mailed. And, in hindsight, that was a good thing.

Today, our thoughts and feelings do not receive such intense reflection.  Instead, at warp speed we bang off an email that might have two paragraphs with a message that could have easily been lifted off a drug store Christmas card. Shallow, trite, cliché infested Christmas Wishes and Happy New Years whistle through cyberspace like grains of sand blowing in the wind from a far away beach. And, unlike the days of old, many emotionally charged emails lack scrutiny and analysis before clicking send and suffer immediate regret as the mind goes into shock and panic. “What was I thinkin?”

No doubt a few of these misguided missives to family members and relatives will find their way to the super highway of social media ending up being the ultimate gift that keeps on giving.

And then, there are those of us who cannot communicate with our loved ones because of conflict. Neither a letter nor email can we send. All we can do is wish and hope. We know where they live. We know their phone number. But it might as well be Mars or Jupiter because….because…well, you know, because.

Charles Dickens forgot to mention that the three great spirits visit everyone every year, especially those who believe in what Christmas means – that it is all about families and giving. Christmas past is all about recollection, remembering mostly the good things. We don’t dwell on bad things at this time of year. That’s for the ghost of the future.

With alienated adult children, we can go back to the glorious days of childhood and recall in detail a life of joy and nurturing, of unconditional love, school lunches, summer vacations and Christmas, yes Christmas, with two little tykes on Santa’s knees. The great reel of memory spins instantaneously from one moment to the next, from childhood to adolescence, from running at the park holding hands to fists of adult anger.

Christmas isn’t only about spending or overspending on gifts. It’s a time where reconciliation for past disagreements becomes visible. It’s like a portal opening up that can only be entered for so long.

 Maybe a few warm hearts may find the courage to reach out this year and dial those 10 digits and say something. The worst that can happen is a dial tone.

Letters are always good for the author, and can also be for the recipient if worded delicately and actually mailed.

 In addition to the many limitations of email it is worth remembering that it is much easier to be aggressive in an email than on the phone or in a face to face conversation.

Merry Christmas to all of the children in this world alienated from their parents for reasons other than criminal abuse. The spirit of Christmas tells us it no longer matters what caused all the trouble, but to give and forgive. John Lennon told us, “Give Peace a Chance” although he wasn’t referring directly to children separated from their parents or parents separated from their children - by choice.

Merry Christmas to the two of you. I miss you, I love you, I’m sorry for my mistakes and, I will be phoning soon.